Cameron's Birth Story
Let me start off by saying that this isn't the usual happy birth story. The whole process of how he was born and my recovery have been extremely hard and tiring so please be patient with my feelings. This is one of those times where you really have to walk a mile in my shoes to understand. I know there are many of you out there who have successful C-section stories and that is awesome, but this isn't one of them.
Little Cameron arrived Thursday March 19th at 9:15 am after 38 weeks and 5 days gestation. He had been breech since at least 28 weeks and refused to budge from one position so we decided to have an ECV preformed (post below about the process) with the hopes of getting Cameron turned head down. A couple weeks after making the decision, my amniotic fluid dropped so low that the hopes of having a successful ECV were starting to dwindle. If the ECV worked, I could be induced right away or go home home and hope he didn't turn back around and wait for labor to happen on it's own. If not successful, then I would have a C-section immediately. I'm sure that most of you who know me well, know that I am not a supporter of inductions or C-sections except in the case of an emergency so the thought of scheduling any sort of intervention did not sit well with me since I do not view the breech position as an emergency. I did however, take the low fluid levels seriously and after much praying felt that an intervention was the safest route. My doctor said that he would preform the ECV as long as I had at least 10 cm of amniotic fluid left. We went in for an ultrasound on the 18th to discover that the fluid levels had stayed low but the chance of an ECV wasn't totally gone if my fluids increased just a little overnight. That evening was one of the hardest nights of my life because it was up to me to decide what to do for me and my baby and I didn't like my options, at all. I felt trapped. John and I talked for hours on what was the least stressful and safest options for Cameron. It was decided that if my fluid levels increased then we would try the ECV. If they stayed the same or lessened then I would have the dreaded C-section. The next morning we arrived at the hospital for one last ultrasound and some deep discussions with my doctor regarding what was best for Cameron. I realized that I had to let go of my dreams of the childbirth experience that I wanted and do what was best for my baby. It wasn't about me anymore. I signed my shaky signature on all of the consent forms while crying away my birth experience. Once in the OR, I was given a Spinal Block which I felt every bit of despite the numbing shots. I am not sure if I will ever forget that sensation. Once it was in and started to work I figured that the rest would be smooth sailing. According to my friends and all of the reality birthing shows, you never feel a thing. Wrong. Cameron's head was lodged very high up against my rib cage so as they were dislodging him, tons of pressure was placed on my upper body. It felt like my ribs, lungs, shoulder blades, etc... were going to bust through the skin on shoulders. I never knew there would be enough pain involved to actually make me scream. Maybe breech babies hurt more but once again, I was not warned by my friends of the intense pain. Finally he was out and I saw him over the curtain for all of two seconds before he was whisked out of my sight. I continued to lay there feeling like I was abducted by aliens and having some sick experiment done on me while John got to bond with Cameron. I was so thankful that he was back there with me to care for out little boy since I wasn't able to hold him and cuddle like I wanted. John kept putting him as close to my face as he could get him so that I could give him little kisses. When they wheeled me back to my room, Cameron was right beside me but I still hadn't really got to hold him. I layed there and watched our family pass him around before I ever held him in my arms and inspected his little body. I did get to hold him and feed him but I don't remember any of it. I don't know if it was the pain medicine or the Toxemia creeping up on me but my memory of Cameron's first few days is pretty much non-exisitent and that is something I am still not ok with. I seemed to be recovering normally despite the foggy head but by Saturday my foggy head was beginning to black out. I kept saying that I didn't feel good and something wasn't right. I was dozing off no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. My blood pressure was creeping up so they told me to rest to try and get it back down. I still knew that wasn't it but was too tired to protest further investigation and just wanted to be left alone to sleep it off. I was taken seriously once my head started pounding and I was seeing spots of lightning in my vision. A testing of my blood showed that I had Toxemia so I was placed on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate to prevent any seizures that could arrise from high blood pressure. I was warned that the side effects of the drug would be pretty bad but I think that at that point I was so out of it, it didn't matter to me. I don't even remember it now excpet for the feeling of being really hot as my body adjusted. From that point on, I had to lay on my left side. Only immediate family by twos were allowed in my room. I lived in another blur for 48 hours until my IV was removed and I could FINALLY take care of my son. Sometime during that blur, I was taken out of my room for a CT scan to make sure I did not have any bleeding in my brain. Under normal circumstances, that would have scared me but I was drugged up and too tired to care. Turns out that I had a sinus infection that I wasn't even aware of. Just one more thing to add to the list! It was not until Monday when he was already 4 days old that I really got to enjoy him and check all of his little fingers and toes and just stare at him for hours without me falling asleep. On Tuesday we got to bring him home and I have barely laid him down. I missed his first few days of life and am not over it just yet. I was so incoherent during that time that I was unable to change his little diapers and breastfeed him. I know I did what was best for Cameron but not being there for him those first few days hurts. My doctor said that my amniotic fluid was pretty much gone so we definately did a smart thing by having the C-section when we did. I do not necessiarly regret the choice I made now knowing that my fluid was even lower than we thought. I do however hate how everything played out. I'm not sure how I could have prevented any of it though.
As far as my recovery goes, it has been really rough and worse than I expected. Beforehand, I expected it to be horrendous then was told by so many people that it wasn't going to be hard at all so then I was prepared for it to be slowgoing but not painful. Well it's worse than my original expectations. It is rare that I will take a pain medication even as light as Tylenol so you know it's rough when I am still taking my prescription pain meds. I am still extremely weak and sometimes still get dizzy. I have had some serious stomach pains and a neverending headache that worsens when I feel a throbbing sensation at the site of my Spinal Block. I am not able to lift anything heavier than Cameron so taking care of Sarah Hazel is out of the question. Not being able to be with my sweet little girl is killing me. She is in such great care but I feel like I have failed her by not being able to be with her. I don't even know when I can take care of her again so each hour without her feels like an eternity. I want to enjoy every second of Cameron being this small but at the same time, I wish time would hurry on so I could feel good again and have my family together at last.
Update: 2 years later....
It has taken a full two years for my body to adjust back to normal. I have always been a stomach sleeper but after the C-section, I could not lay on my stomach without feeling intense pressure on my hips and lower back. In the past few months, I have been able to sleep on my stomach once again! The damage caused by the spinal block has been troublesome at times. I have suffered many migraines complete with episodes of blindness. The xrays showed that arthritis has set in at the site of the spinal block which will likely worsen over time. I was also told to expect the triggered migraines to now be a lifelong problem. I still do not feel completely comfortable about how everything played out. I just keep telling myself that the C-section saved Cameron's life. Cameron is now two and has been diagnosed with developmental delays, a severe form of the speech disorder MERLD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), feeding issues, GI motility disorder, and Autism.. I have no idea if they are connected to how he entered the world but a mom can't help but wonder...
Little Cameron arrived Thursday March 19th at 9:15 am after 38 weeks and 5 days gestation. He had been breech since at least 28 weeks and refused to budge from one position so we decided to have an ECV preformed (post below about the process) with the hopes of getting Cameron turned head down. A couple weeks after making the decision, my amniotic fluid dropped so low that the hopes of having a successful ECV were starting to dwindle. If the ECV worked, I could be induced right away or go home home and hope he didn't turn back around and wait for labor to happen on it's own. If not successful, then I would have a C-section immediately. I'm sure that most of you who know me well, know that I am not a supporter of inductions or C-sections except in the case of an emergency so the thought of scheduling any sort of intervention did not sit well with me since I do not view the breech position as an emergency. I did however, take the low fluid levels seriously and after much praying felt that an intervention was the safest route. My doctor said that he would preform the ECV as long as I had at least 10 cm of amniotic fluid left. We went in for an ultrasound on the 18th to discover that the fluid levels had stayed low but the chance of an ECV wasn't totally gone if my fluids increased just a little overnight. That evening was one of the hardest nights of my life because it was up to me to decide what to do for me and my baby and I didn't like my options, at all. I felt trapped. John and I talked for hours on what was the least stressful and safest options for Cameron. It was decided that if my fluid levels increased then we would try the ECV. If they stayed the same or lessened then I would have the dreaded C-section. The next morning we arrived at the hospital for one last ultrasound and some deep discussions with my doctor regarding what was best for Cameron. I realized that I had to let go of my dreams of the childbirth experience that I wanted and do what was best for my baby. It wasn't about me anymore. I signed my shaky signature on all of the consent forms while crying away my birth experience. Once in the OR, I was given a Spinal Block which I felt every bit of despite the numbing shots. I am not sure if I will ever forget that sensation. Once it was in and started to work I figured that the rest would be smooth sailing. According to my friends and all of the reality birthing shows, you never feel a thing. Wrong. Cameron's head was lodged very high up against my rib cage so as they were dislodging him, tons of pressure was placed on my upper body. It felt like my ribs, lungs, shoulder blades, etc... were going to bust through the skin on shoulders. I never knew there would be enough pain involved to actually make me scream. Maybe breech babies hurt more but once again, I was not warned by my friends of the intense pain. Finally he was out and I saw him over the curtain for all of two seconds before he was whisked out of my sight. I continued to lay there feeling like I was abducted by aliens and having some sick experiment done on me while John got to bond with Cameron. I was so thankful that he was back there with me to care for out little boy since I wasn't able to hold him and cuddle like I wanted. John kept putting him as close to my face as he could get him so that I could give him little kisses. When they wheeled me back to my room, Cameron was right beside me but I still hadn't really got to hold him. I layed there and watched our family pass him around before I ever held him in my arms and inspected his little body. I did get to hold him and feed him but I don't remember any of it. I don't know if it was the pain medicine or the Toxemia creeping up on me but my memory of Cameron's first few days is pretty much non-exisitent and that is something I am still not ok with. I seemed to be recovering normally despite the foggy head but by Saturday my foggy head was beginning to black out. I kept saying that I didn't feel good and something wasn't right. I was dozing off no matter how hard I tried to stay awake. My blood pressure was creeping up so they told me to rest to try and get it back down. I still knew that wasn't it but was too tired to protest further investigation and just wanted to be left alone to sleep it off. I was taken seriously once my head started pounding and I was seeing spots of lightning in my vision. A testing of my blood showed that I had Toxemia so I was placed on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate to prevent any seizures that could arrise from high blood pressure. I was warned that the side effects of the drug would be pretty bad but I think that at that point I was so out of it, it didn't matter to me. I don't even remember it now excpet for the feeling of being really hot as my body adjusted. From that point on, I had to lay on my left side. Only immediate family by twos were allowed in my room. I lived in another blur for 48 hours until my IV was removed and I could FINALLY take care of my son. Sometime during that blur, I was taken out of my room for a CT scan to make sure I did not have any bleeding in my brain. Under normal circumstances, that would have scared me but I was drugged up and too tired to care. Turns out that I had a sinus infection that I wasn't even aware of. Just one more thing to add to the list! It was not until Monday when he was already 4 days old that I really got to enjoy him and check all of his little fingers and toes and just stare at him for hours without me falling asleep. On Tuesday we got to bring him home and I have barely laid him down. I missed his first few days of life and am not over it just yet. I was so incoherent during that time that I was unable to change his little diapers and breastfeed him. I know I did what was best for Cameron but not being there for him those first few days hurts. My doctor said that my amniotic fluid was pretty much gone so we definately did a smart thing by having the C-section when we did. I do not necessiarly regret the choice I made now knowing that my fluid was even lower than we thought. I do however hate how everything played out. I'm not sure how I could have prevented any of it though.
As far as my recovery goes, it has been really rough and worse than I expected. Beforehand, I expected it to be horrendous then was told by so many people that it wasn't going to be hard at all so then I was prepared for it to be slowgoing but not painful. Well it's worse than my original expectations. It is rare that I will take a pain medication even as light as Tylenol so you know it's rough when I am still taking my prescription pain meds. I am still extremely weak and sometimes still get dizzy. I have had some serious stomach pains and a neverending headache that worsens when I feel a throbbing sensation at the site of my Spinal Block. I am not able to lift anything heavier than Cameron so taking care of Sarah Hazel is out of the question. Not being able to be with my sweet little girl is killing me. She is in such great care but I feel like I have failed her by not being able to be with her. I don't even know when I can take care of her again so each hour without her feels like an eternity. I want to enjoy every second of Cameron being this small but at the same time, I wish time would hurry on so I could feel good again and have my family together at last.
Update: 2 years later....
It has taken a full two years for my body to adjust back to normal. I have always been a stomach sleeper but after the C-section, I could not lay on my stomach without feeling intense pressure on my hips and lower back. In the past few months, I have been able to sleep on my stomach once again! The damage caused by the spinal block has been troublesome at times. I have suffered many migraines complete with episodes of blindness. The xrays showed that arthritis has set in at the site of the spinal block which will likely worsen over time. I was also told to expect the triggered migraines to now be a lifelong problem. I still do not feel completely comfortable about how everything played out. I just keep telling myself that the C-section saved Cameron's life. Cameron is now two and has been diagnosed with developmental delays, a severe form of the speech disorder MERLD, Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), feeding issues, GI motility disorder, and Autism.. I have no idea if they are connected to how he entered the world but a mom can't help but wonder...
Sarah Hazel's Birth Story
Days and days of hard contractions had finally caught up with me and I was starting to hurt worse and was so exhausted from it all that I could barely function. Around 5:30, I went upstairs and John called the hospital. While we waited for the call back to tell us what to do, we watched the UT game and I still cheered on the Vols through my contractions! The Nurse from our office called and said that my doctor wanted me to come on in so we loaded up the car once again and made the loooong journey to St. Mary's. During the ride, I stared intently at John's new GPS and listened to Christmas music while trying to get my mind off the pain. Once at the hospital, they put me in the triage room with another pregnant girl who had two previous c-section births. John heard her tell the doctors that after listening to me be in so much pain that she didn't want to ever go through labor. My contractions were coming pretty much constantly and lasting over two minutes each! I'm not sure why, but I laid there for what seemed like forever with no medication. I begged for Tylenol just hoping for some relief no matter how tiny it was. John went out to the nurses station to see why I wasn't being given anything. At 8:30, they gave me a shot of Demerol and Phenergan and told me it would make me drowsy but wouldn't likely help the pain. It didn't really do a thing. I was hurting so much that I honestly do not even remember half of that night. This whole time, I still wasn't dilating despite the HORRIBLE contractions. They decided to admit me rather than send me home in pain which was more than fine with me. At 2am, my water broke even though I still was stuck at 2 cm but they went ahead and gave me my epidural which I was scared to get but it turned out to be fabulous. I never felt the needle go in and could barely feel the catheter go down my back. The relief was immediate and from then on out, I promise that I didn't feel any pain which still boggles my mind. At 3am I dilated to 5cm and then an hour later I was at 10cm! My doctor was not yet at the hospital since normally, progression doesn't happen that quickly with a first baby. They called him and he said he was on his way to the airport to drop off his son. Later, he told Michael that when he got to the airport, he pulled up to the curb and pretty much kicked his son out of the car because he was in such a hurry to get to me. Luckily he made it and was there before I had to push. I was so comfortable by that point and so sleepy that I kept falling asleep and would have to be woken up to push. Kelley had told me that since I would be numb, that I should do crunches instead of the pushing like everyone says to do. It worked! I did my crunches (aka pushing) for an hour before our little girl finally arrived at 6:23 am. John, who originally did not want to do anything but stand by my head, ended up excitedly watching the whole birth and even cut the cord. He was so wonderful through the entire process and has been the most amazing daddy ever. I can truly say that after I got my epidural, the end was the easiest part of my entire pregnancy. For the first time in a long time, I felt no pain and in the end I got the most beautiful little girl with a head full of thick black hair and almost black eyes. Thank you God.
