Pre K Denied

I really wanted to get on here today and write how excited I was about the family meeting for Sarah Hazel's new school but instead, I'm still trying to understand what went wrong. Let me back up a bit for those of you who don't know the full story. The short version is that Sarah Hazel has had a rough semester at preschool for various reasons ranging from a misunderstanding of how to manage her sensory issues to problems with a 4 year old bully. There's so much more than just those things I mentioned so we decided we'd pull her out and put her in a smaller co-op program where she could go for pre-k and elementary school. When I checked into the school, I was upfront about the SPD, auditory processing difficulties, and IQ testing since there was no point in even sending in an application to somewhere that could not accommodate. We also discussed that her birthday is November which means that she would not normally go to pre-k until next fall but that they would let her. There were three phone calls where we confirmed her birthday but that we wanted to put her in pre-k early. I was told in the initial phone call that the teacher would more than happy to work with me as Sarah Hazel progressed academically.

I don't know what happened.

We went to our family meeting this morning so the school could interview us and meet Sarah Hazel. All was going good but then I was asked to share the background of why Sarah Hazel was in therapy. I was more than happy to share everything because they need to know but I did ask if it was ok for Sarah Hazel to walk around the building with her Daddy because I was not comfortable talking about her "issues" in front of her. They completely understood. I started with the SPD and how we progressed into IQ testing and eventually therapy for auditory processing. I also mentioned Cameron being diagnosed with Autism just to get that on their radar. I never mentioned actual IQ scores or any abilities other than saying her visual score is high and her verbal comp was at the 10 year level. That was simply just to give them the idea of where she stands. I told them that as far as giftedness goes, we would deal with the issues related to that as they pop up. It was during that conversation that the mood shifted and things became uncomfortable. I was happy to share my child's needs but it almost seemed like they weren't connecting with what I was saying. Since they didn't ask specific questions though, I didn't give much more detail.

Then it got ugly. One of the ladies conducting the interview began telling me about the curriculum and wasn't sure that Sarah Hazel would be able to step into it mid-year and keep up (insert mad laughter into my head). She was afraid that she would not be able to do the phonics or blend words and not sure how she would do with the math concepts they were working on (again more mad laughter in my head). I told her that I had some time to look at the curriculum page by page and that I thought it was a great fit and that we were even past some of it but I did not think it would be an issue. You could tell she did not believe me....or did she? They asked what she had been working on in preschool so I told them about the Handwriting Without Tears and how Sarah Hazel told me it was for babies. The same lady who just doubted my child could keep up then said that was obviously boring for Sarah Hazel and she needed more challenge. I'm not sure where that huge leap is between Handwriting Without Tears and A Beka k4 phonics is, but in her eyes, my 4 year old with an IQ in the 99th percentile and eligible for Mensa membership would not be able to do it. She kept on with her concerns that the kids would be reading next semester and she would not be able to do it. I told her Sarah Hazel had already started reading a bit and just for fun and because I was getting furious, I added in the fact that my 2.5 year old can read. She asked me several times if I really felt comfortable putting my child in a situation where she would be behind academically and socially. I gave them every honest reason of why I was there, why I believed the ratio was a great fit and why I liked the idea of a part time homeschool for my child.

The other lady conducting the interview looked over at me and said "I get a little concerned with parents who want to start their kids early. Parents regret letting their children move ahead but never regret holding them back a year". I didn't know I came to the meeting for parenting advice! I told them I had no intention of starting kindergarten early and in fact I would never let it happen if we were doing public school (or any school outside of a co-op). They said she would have to repeat k4 which I was fine with so I reminded them about the conversation we had so long ago on the phone of giving her the next level of curriculum. They were not on board and said she would have to do everything all over again so I just needed to wait until fall. Better yet, the lady who so graciously offered parenting advice suggested that I should just do the whole curriculum at home since she was already doing so well. She said it in such a nice way I almost didn't feel the sting. Then came the part denying my child entrance into their pre-k program simply because all along, she didn't meet the cutoff. All of that and like magic, they remembered that they had this rule tucked so deep away that said 'no exceptions to the rule'. Pre-K denied. They nicely suggested that we try the mother's day out program instead.

It wasn't done. The parenting advice lady told me she was a board member and would present our case to the board. They would want to meet with us and have us explain our case in person. I made it clear that I was not there to start a ruckus and did not feel comfortable pursuing it any longer but strangely she kept pushing the issue. I had made up my mind by that point that there was no way I was leaving my daughter with people who doubted her but just to see the reaction I then said that the meeting might work. I let them know that I would be coming with confidential documentation from all of her testings as well as a written report from her therapist-aka gifted coach/consultant. I even told them that the therapist would be more than happy to talk to them on the phone or meet in person during one of our sessions. Truth be told, our therapist would love the chance to fight for this child and has told me repeatedly that she is there for us anytime we have a situation like that. I believe her. She warned me this would happen, just not at the preschool level.


The mood changed again. I think they realized at that moment that this mama who claimed to have a really smart child wasn't playing around and just saying her kid was ahead. Maybe they didn't realize I could provide plenty of documentation and even a professional to vouch for my child. Suddenly the tide turned and the parenting advice lady felt that Sarah Hazel would be too far ahead and they would not be able to accommodate a child at that high of a level. Strangely that's not the first time a preschool has told me that. I don't know if that remark was just her way of trying to get me out the door or if she finally believed me. I'm going with the first thought. I know they thought I was a crazy pushy parent. Typical. If only they knew how against my beliefs it is to push a child into doing something they are not yet ready for. Truly, the experience of raising non-typical children is one of those where you can't pass judgement until you've walked about ten miles in that families shoes. If you could even make it ten miles and not start begging for a way out.


John and Sarah Hazel came back around this point and you could tell he was confused but knew something went bad without me saying a word. I looked at him and told him "She can't do pre-k because of her birthday". He did nodded and said a long strung out "ohhh-kay" that says I smell a rat. They asked again if we did want to meet with the board and at that time I gave it over to John as I was tired of the game we were playing. I knew they didn't want us there so why keep stringing it out. He told them we'd call back but I think we all know, it's not going to work out.

It took a lot for me to call them in the first place and be so open and upfront about Sarah Hazel. It's an awkward thing to bring up with people because they either believe you or they don't. I think the battle has only begun and this was just our first taste of what big school will be like. Hopefully we can find another pre-k program with a similar layout to what this one had. For the time being, we are giving up on formal preschools for awhile and instead are going to enroll her in classes like cheerleading and art or whatever she wants to do. I think we'll all be happier.