Dread

It's the time of year when "Back to School" seems to be plastered everywhere. TV, storefronts, blogs, conversations with friends....you really can't get away from it. The phrase "Back to School' turns my stomach. It makes my heart beat a little faster in my chest and leaves a burning lump in throat as I fight back tears. I hate that phrase.

Why?

Because I dread the day I watch my kids walk off into a big building spending the bulk of their day being guided by someone else, learning things about life that they may not be ready to learn about, being in a place where no one prays or teaches them that the most important thing of all is to glorify God. It sickens me to think of them lumped in one big group and not being individuals; they will be just another kid. Kids are mean and I fear that my kids will be the brunt of many jokes because both of them will need Special Ed. services.

It's obvious why Cameron will need the extra help but what you may not realize is that Sarah Hazel will receive an IEP for services as well. Being gifted presents it's own set of problems that many people have no idea about. Problems that at times are just as hard to deal with as Cameron's Autism. But those who can't get past the word 'gifted' will never see that it's not what it's cracked up to be. There is a reason that in Tennessee it can be classified as a disability.

I don't want to have my children pulled away from me for 30 something hours a week. I chose to be a stay at home mom so I could be with them and guide them. I don't feel that should stop when a child reaches school age.

It would be easy for someone to say I'm being over protective but if you think that is the only reason I dread traditional school, then you aren't really reading and thinking through everything I wrote.

Maybe if we could find the right school and the right fit ahead of time I would not have this dread consume me.

I know the majority of you will disagree with me. In real life it seems like everyone is so anxious to send their kids off to school and I've often wondered what is wrong with me that I do not have that excitement building up in me for the time my kids are old enough to go to school?  Why am I constantly sickened over the thought? Maybe by the time August 2013 rolls around I'll be ready to ship the first one off, but for some reason I have a feeling the dread will still be there.