This morning I took Cameron to his urologist for a post surgery follow up. As we approached the door to the office, he started pulling away from me and shouting "bye bye bye bye". I scooped him up and walked into a room packed with people all staring at me as I wrangle my crying child who is still yelling "bye bye bye bye". Some people kind of chuckled at his defiance since you know, no one really wants to be at the urologist.
After about 3 minutes, he begins to quieten down and watch cartoons and search for letters in books. There was another little boy probably about 18 months, who kept wanting to play with Cameron and look at the same books. Well, Cameron had already took full possession of The Bible Story book and some man magazine about manly stuff like computer parts and cars and he had no plans in sharing. If he finds happiness in holding those two pieces of reading material then I would prefer that he do so or else the whole waiting room will have to deal with the fit. The other little boy grabbed The Bible Story book from Cameron's hand and Cam freaked, yanked it back and started making a ruckus. The whole waiting room (at least 10 families) are watching this unfold. Cameron was so rough about the whole thing that of course it looked like he was in the wrong even though the other little boy did snatch it from him in the first place. The little boys mom looked at me with that look that said "what are you gonna do about your child taking things from mine". It was not her first dirty look at me so instead of trying to work out a peaceful solution I grabbed Cameron and his hoarded reading stash and sat him on my lap where he would not be bothered by the other little boy.
Finally re-settled I let him down. A different little bitty boy, only 8 months, came over to check Cameron out. Everywhere Cameron ran, the little boy crawled behind him. I began to worry that Cam would step on him, throw a book at him, or worse kick and hit him, so I decided it would be best if I stayed right at their side. I told the mom nicely that I was worried that my little boy would step on her baby but she did not seem to mind the proximity. As the little boy began to get more and more in Cameron's space and become curious about the books, I began to worry a little more. As Cameron became more agitated by the baby being in his space, I told the mom that my little boy can get kind of rough. There's your warning lady, now COME GET YOUR BABY. I can control certain situations but no one can control another persons initial body movements when they snap. I try my best to catch an arm when it raises or break a kick with whatever part of my body is closest to his but no matter how hard I try, I can't stop every reaction he has. Then the inevitable happened. The baby barely touched The Bible Story Book but it was enough to set Cameron off into a rage. In a split second he had already pushed the little baby down face first into the floor. Amazingly the other little boy did not cry but Cameron did. Still, the mom seemed completely unphased that her 8 month old just got slammed into the floor. I held Cameron's flailing screaming body in one and hand while I checked on the baby.
I guess the mom finally decided that did care because she spoke up 5 minutes later. She asked how old Cameron was. When I told her his age, her response was "he must really be having terrible, terrible two's". I don't throw the word Autism out too much in public but it was time since the whole waiting room had been watching the kiddie soap opera and was listening intently to what I would say in response to her comment.
"He has Autism". Then I managed a smile even though I really wanted to cry.
Someday I get so tired of the looks and the comments when he has a rough day. I do my best but I cannot always control how he acts and sometimes you have to let people know that Autism is real and that is what it can look like. Luckily the mom softened...a lot. As did the grandmother beside her. The rest of our time in the waiting room, the other people were staring at Cameron, I'm sure trying to figure him out. I imagine that's how mom's of kids with visible disabilities feel all of the time. Like their kid is on stage being watched and questioned by every passer by. Those are the moms I admire and look to for inspiration.
As we walked back through the lobby after our appointment, the mom and grandmother cheerily and sincerely yelled their goodbyes across the room. Finally, a stranger accepted my little boy, even in one of his roughest moments.
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